Afraid, Ashamed, and Words Unspoken

So many things left frozen in time. Calls left unmade, cancelled appointments, hours upon hours of missed time at work, limits on things you can do, due to anxieties, toxic emotional habits, stories left untold, poems left unwritten due to negative feelings associated with them, it’s not knowing what state of mind you will wake up in from one day to next, so many emotions, so much emptiness, it’s hiding scars  with bandages and extra clothing, it’s being triggered by countless things sometimes you yourself don’t even understand, its unopened letters, it’s secret tears, it’s times where life seems to be passing by and it feels like mentally your stuck in a one place, it’s knowing the truth but believing a lie, it’s hurting in ways other people couldn’t even begin to understand, it’s the flashbacks, it’s those times where you are convinced you are not enough, it’s late nights where flashbacks and misery seem to consume you, it’s the times where the questions am I sick? and am I crazy ? are things you really ask, it’s the thoughts that say physically my body feels okay,but mentally I feel broken more times than not.

 Part of me feels like the mental illness has been my journey for a while now and it has become somewhat normal to me, living with chaos all the time, the only difference currently is, it seems to be in my head instead of in the environment around me. Through it all, I must remember. I am a child of God, and I am loved by him despite my illness and so are you. 

This has been one of the hardest blogs I have ever written. It’s real, honest, and doesn’t beat around the bush. I was led to share this I hope it helps to show people they are not alone and that everyone has their own obstacles in life.I figured this blog was hard because maybe I am afraid, maybe I am ashamed, or maybe I’d rather leave those words unspoken,unsaid. But I just couldn’t let fear get the best of me. Thanks for reading ! Be Blessed !

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.      ~Matthew 6:34 (NIV)



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