I didn’t draw new lines because I wanted to break rules and go against everything I once believed in. I am deciding to draw new lines in my life because I am sick and tired of trying to fit (my colors) who I am into the “lines” aka expectations I felt others put on me, and even the ones I put on myself. I have caused myself to remain coloring inside the same old lines, because I felt I was doing the best I could for myself.
I am sick and oh so very tired of trying to “fit in,” by being everything I think everybody else wants or needs me to be. Living a life to simply please other people just to not be alone is no longer worth it. I have found many people do this & it is a miserable life to live. When I am up in the middle of the night & can’t sleep, or I’m crying for hours, self harming, in the hospital, just overall NOT OKAY. Not one of those people who I tried, for so long to “keep my color inside the lines for” is anywhere to be found. So the question is why have I/we been wasting time on people who simply want us to conform to who and what they feel we should be ? WHAT ?
I could just scream today because I am sick of others telling me who or what I am or who or what I should be.
You are sensitive, Don’t be so weak, You are lazy, it’s so hard to be your friend, dealing with you and with your mental illness is too much, I don’t love you, I am not willing/capable to give you what you want/need, (Mental Illness), “Oh I can’t relate.” I will NEVER be able to understand mental illness, or those times where I tried to open up about my mental illness symptoms and I was literally ignored or the subject was changed …………
You know what I am so ashamed of myself, the same people who said those things 👆🏽(Up there)to me I tried to convince them why I was worth it their time. I tried to convince them how I could be who they wanted me to be. I attempted to convince why they should stay in my life and be my friend, associate, and sadly even my husband and ultimately I tried to convinced them why I was worth being in their life.
Me convincing them and conforming (keeping my coloring in the lines) to who or what I they wanted me to be worked, for a while. But then they ended up feeling exactly what they had said to me initially and they ended up leaving my life in one way or another. Whether I cut them off because I found out the relationship was unhealthy for my mental health or some other reason.
Looking back on it, it honestly seems like all of those relationships negatively affected my well-being and mental health, and as painful as it has been to have my life fall apart friends gone, x hub gone. I was tired of coloring in the lines.
I have grown tired of being what I everyone else wants me to be, so now I will live my life being who I feel God wants me, sticking to my morals, and being honest about my mental health. No more hiding, no more convincing people why I’m a diamond in the rough (like my mom says) if you can’t see it then you must not belong in my life.
I am making a commitment to myself, no more coloring in the lines aka conforming to what/who others tell me they want me to be. I’m not perfect and I have many flaws but no one,not me, not you should be changing themselves just to have friends, a bf,gf, husband,wife,etc because it’s not worth it and it’s exhausting.
Don’t hide yourself, your mental illness symptoms, your self harm scars, your tears, your anxiety, those are what make you, you. and something’s are out of our control. We must cope & surround ourselves with people who we don’t have to hide our imperfections from and say we are okay when NOTHING’S OKAY.
Surround yourself with people that love you despite your flaws and imperfections. Surround yourself with people who won’t call you names, who won’t make jokes about mental illness or treat you differently once they find out you have mental illness, or make you feel unwanted, unloved and like a burden, or look down on you for the self harm scars on your legs/arms/etc
Surround yourself with people who will love you with no boundaries & who will love you for you because you are worth it and so am I.❤️😘
Inspire.Motivate. Love ~ Natasha M.
* I don’t own this photo.*