I Wait For Your Voice.

I wait for your voice but all I can hear is all the voices around me saying do this, do that, say this, say that, be this, be that. I want to only hear your voice, I want to know where you want me to go, what you want me to do, who you want me to be, I want to know you Lord. So I wait for your voice but all I keep hearing is the noise of sirens, of cries, of yelling, of war, of heart break, but I will wait, I wait for your voice but now all I can hear is my own voice accompanied by my thoughts screaming, you’re not enough, you’re never going to be in the right place, you’re never going to be complete, you’re never going to be healed, you’re never going to be unbroken, you’re never going to reach your full potential, and you’re going in the wrong direction. My voice says turn right, no turn left, no go straight, no go back, no just stand still but through all of this I wait. I wait for your voice because all I want to know is where you want me to go, what you want me to do, and who you want me to be. I want to know you Lord. So I will learn to be still,I will learn to block out the noises, and the voices of the world, I will learn to challenge and block out the self doubting thoughts. I will block out the do this, do that, say this, say that, be this, be that. I want to only hear your voice, I want to know where you want me to go Lord, what you want me to do and who you want me to be. I want to know you Lord, so I will wait for your voice.

Trust in the Lord God with all your heart.
All rights reserved. No part of this writing may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the writer.

Headphones in, Pencil in Hand, Notebook Ready….

I’ve been writing quite a bit lately, but I’ve posted none for my readers or subscribers. Sometimes I really do get lost in my notebook, and I just almost detach from the outside world. A good amount if not all of the material I have been writing lately will be included in my upcoming book.

 My upcoming book will contain some of the most heart wrenching and personal  moments I have experienced. 

Below you will find an excerpt from my UPCOMING BOOK : 

I  somehow convinced myself that things were different. Things had to be different, therefore the love I needed was also different. These statements are incorrect. My mind, body, and soul crave different. Different behavior patterns. Different outcomes.Different feelings. I just wanted different. I wanted different but for me things haven’t been different. I’ve covered and filled my emptiness and lack of belonging with a list of to do’s, I’ve covered it with laughter and smiles  that sometimes don’t even penetrate past the surface, to even begin to mend my broken  heart or fill the emptiness. If I take the meds and do everything I am supposed to do,then why does everything still feel the same ? Why has different fled from me? All I keep going through are the same symptoms and same feelings but all I want is different. I want change. But I have yet to get either. 

Release date coming soon !

All rights reserved. No part of the following writings may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the writer.

 

 

Birthday, Challenges, & Positivity !

So very thankful I have made it to see another birthday. This last year has been such a challenge for me, but despite that today I can say is going to be a good day for me! I am going to smile and have lots of laughs. I decided to make a birthday slideshow of the past two weeks with my mom while she was visiting ! I am looking forward to a wonderful year of helping others, publishing my new books, moving to start at a new school and just overall starting this next chapter in my life ! I pray that God guides me heart always ! Happy Birthday to me and happy Friday to everyone !!! Be blessed and remember God loves you!!!!

The Breakfast Club Talks About Mental Illness 

https://youtu.be/Jdtvi1khnQk

This show talks about a subject that I know all too well. I don’t even know where or how to start when it comes to talking about mental illness. I feel a lot of times, people like me who deal with mental illness are ashamed to even talk about the true pain and symptoms. For a long time I have been struggling in silence and hiding behind a smile, but I have decided enough is enough. I have began to be honest with my loved ones about the symptoms I have been suffering from. It has been a long journey.I hope this radio show (click on link above) helps to raise more awareness about mental illness and helps eliminate the stigmas.

Secrets Buried…

One of the pieces I have been working on is a blog titled Secrets Buried. This blog is one that I have been iffy about even publishing on my blog. I think I decided to write about such a challenging topic because I wanted to make sense of it in my mind and I figured I have nothing to lose. It’s my blog, my words and it’s part of my story. This was hard to write and even harder to post.

The thought of you sickens me, I know it’s wrong to dislike people, but let me be the first to say I dislike your actions. I dislike you not because of the person you are, but because of decision you chose to make. The decision to hurt me. What you did some say is unforgivable. I say it’s life. People you trust, hurt you. Family hurts you. Friends hurt you, seems to be such a normal occurrence now a days. I can’t believe it’s been 6 years. You are part of the reason my trust was crushed and why I had the worse last two weeks of high school ever. I remember how broken, violated, and confused I felt. It seemed the support I wanted the most, blamed me for what had happened. My view of men became blurry, like I wasn’t sure who to trust or if I should have faith in guys, of if I just needed to be on my guard. More than anything, confusion overwhelmed me. I don’t  remember talking about what happened too much with anyone. Time just moved on and my heart was still shattered, and deep down I became more bitter and I began to deeply despise the place I called “home.” I remember attending therapy a while back, and writing you a long letter, but after I sent it I ensured you didn’t have a way to write me back. I couldn’t bare the thought that you might actually try to write back and explain your actions. At the time I thought that was the only closure I needed, I thought the rest of the hurt would fade away overtime, but it didn’t. I remember how you lied to everyone and how your relatives even tried to hurt me. I remember how you denied everything and tried to get people to lie and side with you. I don’t know if me writing this means I don’t forgive you. I want to. Me writing this allows me to get it on “paper,” out of my head. Though I am sure it will never make sense to me what you did no matter how many times I write, I cry, or pray, and that’s okay God is working it out. Every time I write about this I feel more free, and even on my bad days I won’t let your choices hurt me more than they already have. It hurts, it breaks my heart, it disgusts me, and most of all it disappointments me. I realize though the more time that goes by and the more I heal, it all seems like a distant memory I wish I could just forget……

Signed,

Secrets Unburied

 

Bleeding Heart Poem

Have you ever heard the gesture “Love  hurts”? Well let me be the one to tell you it is not just a saying, it really can hurt. We’ve all experienced some type of hurt in our lives and we all have our own ways of dealing with it. Personally, I love to write to make sense of things, and though this is not my usual style of writing poetry it was quite a journey to write this.

My heart bleeds not only from your misuse, abuse, and lies,but my heart bleeds because of all these broken family ties.

My heart bleeds not only from the pain but from all the losses not the gains.

My heart bleeds because I know you don’t love like I do. I know you don’t even see me that’s why I feel blue.

My heart bleeds because in your eyes I will never be enough, but I know I’m tough.

My heart bleeds  because to you i’m invisible.

**Can you even see me? I’ve been here all along .Can you even hear me? You continually talk over me and ignore me when I do speak.

My heart bleeds because  I don’t know you just like you don’t know me and we’re supposed to be family.

My heart bleeds time and time again because I continue to let you disappoint me .

Hoping for change. Praying for understanding that still hasn’t come.

While you sit and drink yourself to death with all the rum.

Or get lost in all the women, the men, the drugs, in the secrets, in the lies, in the circle of things that continue to break these family ties.

My heart bleeds because I am sick of all the hidden tears, hidden scars and hidden fears.

My heart bleeds so let’s cut it in two because even now, I still love you enough to give half of it to you.

My book Words Are Art: See The World Through My Eyes is now available to purchase on Amazon ! Click the word Amazon to purchase now !! (:

All rights reserved. No part of the following writings may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the writer.

The Things We Don’t Tell….

The word testimony has always made me nervous, even now. I always looked at it like some sort of magical thing, as if I could never have one because I’m so imperfect and I make mistakes and I slip up even as a christian. Feeling the heavy burden of being imperfect no matter what I did weighed on me a lot at one time. It weighed on me so much  it even stopped me from sharing the good news about Jesus Christ dieing for our sins with others.

As I went to church last Sunday, I had no idea what was about to happen . The preacher starts preaching and he tells us it is going to be an interactive service so get out our notes. To make a long story short a testimony planning guide with blank spaces on it was our note sheet. The pastor then brought out his daughter who shared her testimony from her testimony planning guide. Throughout the service we had a certain amount of time to go through each section and fill out our testimony. I guess I thought it might be hard,but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. After we finished filling it out we were then challenged to go share our testimony with another person. Truth is, I was scared. Don’t get me wrong I love to talk to people, but I worried about being judged for what I had written as my testimony. I also felt as if  I had no business sharing my testimony, because of my imperfections. Funny thing is after I shared my testimony I could see that woman shedding tears and she even asked to hug me. Of course I said “yes.” But I wondered why she was crying. After she shared her testimony with me about Jesus working in her life I understood.Our stories were similar and this was important to me because it helped me to further realize everyone has their own obstacles in life. Despite obstacles we all need Jesus and we have to realize despite obstacles Jesus loves us. Now, I want to share my testimony with you. I pray that my testimony leads others to God & inspires others to share their testimonies. (John3:16)

  • I Was

My name is Natasha Minier and I grew up in Georgia. Before giving my heart to God, my life/heart was shattered.I believed I would be happy if I was successful enough to outrun the hurt I hid in the back of my brain and if I gave everyone else the love I longed for. For example, it wouldn’t be uncommon for me to be depressed, never feel like enough, and try to love away my hurt to try to fill the emptiness in my heart. After awhile, my behavior began to make me feel empty,hopeless,depressed,angry,moody, and that wasn’t working for me.

  • Then Jesus

At this point in my life, my belief about God was if I was a better person then I would deserve his love. But it wasn’t until I realized doing things my way only left me more empty and confused and that Jesus loved me despite the fact I was imperfect and didn’t feel like I deserved to be loved by him. I finally decided that I wanted to receive Jesus as my savior, so when I was broken-hearted, hopeless, suffering from mental illness, feeling lost, and as low as I could get, I proceeded to accept Jesus Christ into my heart and accept and know he died for my sins. Afterwards, I didn’t view my understanding of life’s whys,loving away the hurt and success as my ultimate source of happiness anymore. I now know that the only way to finally receive joy and contentment is through putting God in the center of everything I do and making sure he is my foundation.

  • Since Then

In my old life, before trusting God, I found comfort, identity, and fulfillment in trying to love away my hurt, being successful, trying to answer the hard why questions in life, and finding ways to avoid loving myself. After I received Jesus, the things I did with my time completely changed. Now I pray and seek God in all I do, I give thanks to God in both good and bad times, and I am working on spreading more love to others with my actions & words. My life has changed dramatically. Though I may still struggle with things, they’re getting better, and I’m different in so many ways, such as learning to trust God,seeking help to manage my mental illness,and finding ways to love myself better(though it’s extremely hard) and be who God has made me to be.

Encouragement For Others

Let me encourage you to trust God with your life. He has been so faithful to me and has never left me (he has always been there even before I was saved) but has always loved me and wanted the best for me and I know he will do the same with you.

Asking Jesus Into Your Life Is As Easy As A-B-C

Father, I Admit that I am a sinner and that my sin has brought death and destruction into my life, my relationships with people, and my relationship with God. Romans 3:23, 6:23

I Believe that Jesus died for my sins and that His death paid the penalty for my sins. Romans 5:8

I Confess or agree that Jesus is Lord, that He died and rose from the dead, and is able to forgive me of my sins. Romans 10:9-10

Jesus, I trust that You love me and can hear my prayer. By faith I ask You to please forgive me and fill me with the Holy Spirit. I surrender my life to You. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

Thank you for reading, and remember God loves you more in one moment than a person could in a lifetime ! Comment below with your testimony.

Be Blessed !