Let me Just Say This….

psychadelic_headHello Hello my lovely subscribers ! I want to first start off by saying how sorry that I have been so neglectful when it comes to blogging lately. Let me tell you what has been up with m and what exactly i’ve been working on!


The last month of  my life has been hectic, eye-opening, and stressful. I was with my family on the other side of the country, I got my hair all shaved off, I was still finishing up work from my fall classes due to special circumstances, not to mention I just finished & published my 2nd book titled Colorless Love (NOW ON AMAZON)(CLICK TITLE TO PURCHASE YOUR COPY TODAY), and last but not least I am working on my memoir along with my “pitch deck” trying to decide if I am going to compete in a competition with my memoir in a few weeks at my school. As you can see I have been staying pretty busy I was spending lots of time with my family along with working and having more than 1 late night ! On top of all this I have also been dealing with various mental illness symptoms, which has been difficult at some moments but I made it through. The more I accept myself the easier it will become to cope, I hope…….


Lately, I have noticed myself vlogging quite a bit and posting it on my youtube page along with singing on my karaoke applications on my phone!  I think it’s the fact that I have been trying to find healthy ways to express myself, distract myself, that I have been so concentrated on vlogging and singing! They have been pretty good stress relievers honestly. Below you will find the vlogging series I have been working on!


 

 

PART III is now uploaded on my YOUTUBE CHANNEL

(CLICK ON NAME –) :Words Ar3 Art    


Side Note:  Part III of this series is my favorite vlog so far , because how vulnerable and honest I am about how events in my life have affected the way I view myself and how I answer the question what is beauty to me. So be sure to check it out ! Also be sure to check out some of my fun 50 second to 1 minute fun singing videos ! ❤ (most of them are acapella, because why not)


Thanks for reading everyone ! ❤ Happy Friday !!!


 

*I do not own the 1st photo above.


 

 

Inspire. Motivate. Love ~ Natasha M.

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Happy New Year !!!

 


Hello all my lovely subscribers ! I wanted to be sure I take time and wish you and your families a VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! Though I am fearful of what will happen in the new year, I am looking forward to using all of my talents, energy, and resources to serve God and help and uplift others.  ❤


Happy NEW YEAR everyone ! BE blessed and please remain safe if you are going out !


2018love 2018


 

Inspire. Motivate . Love ~ Natasha M.

Damage and Broken…..Do these words really describe me?

Come on let’s be real, when dealing with having mental illness day in and day out it is not EASY to be excited and tell yourself you’re healing, rediscovering yourself, or starting over because some days it just doesn’t feel like that at all.


It feels like you are drowning in both emotion and misery, and they both consume you. At this point you feel damaged and you feel broken. These feelings are painful. I have experienced this time and time again over the last few years of my life and even before then.


But every time I overcame these days and bounced back out of my bipolar depression, I looked back like thank God I didn’t give up that day that misery and pain consumed me, because if I did I wouldn’t have got to experience the good moments that I do have.


Things are so much more difficult than just telling a person with mental health issues to “stay positive,” it’s not that simple and honestly it is annoying hearing this. Like I am struggling enough and trying not to drown and here you come telling me to just stay positive…. 😞 If it were that easy, don’t you think I would snap my fingers and just be staying positive all the time ?I’m doing the best I possibly can as I gain knowledge about my mental illnesses, God’s purpose for my life, exploring different coping skills,etc.


Despite I am dealing with some sadness and fatigue today, and I may not be able to honestly tell myself I am healing, rediscovering myself and starting over I do have something to tell myself. The best thing I can tell myself is today I’m choosing to LIVE. No self harm, no contemplating dieing and I will be avoiding triggers to the best of my ability, and using my time to do some much-needed self-care & writing.


Today I sincerely hope that if you are struggling with mental illness you can stand beside me 👫👭👬in the fight against mental illness and choose to LIVE today too. •

Together WE can overcome. 💚


Inspire. Motivate. Love ~Natasha M.

Donate Your Love.

img_0218-e1511984999790.jpgThrough the last 4 going on 5 years of my difficult, dreadful, and stressful struggle with diagnosed mental illness, I have found that being transparent with your loved ones with either get you exiled from your family or will push your family to surround and support you with love  ❤ when you need it most.


I wasn’t always transparent when I was first diagnosed. I hid away from everyone, I would go through periods of time where I blocked my siblings from calling me, I I would always be triggered from things my parents would say, and they had no idea what was going on, I shut everyone out due to being ashamed, due to feeling like no one would understand, I felt alone, empty, and isolated simply putting a mask on being the person I thought they needed me to be. I felt like my immediate family mainly my parents would not accept me if they knew I was “mentally” ill, especially if they found out about my self harm habits I originally picked up at age 14. I was afraid they would “label” me as “crazy” and tell me I was demon possessed and try to throw a bible at me, or tell me to pray it away.


So I hid my symptoms from them the best I could. When distance is present things become easier to hide. Things got harder to hide once I was hospitalized for the first time in 2015, and from there I believe my family began to put the pieces of the puzzle together, and ask questions to one another like what’s going on with Tash. I am sure even earlier than 2015 my parents knew something was going on, but couldn’t get through to me because I refused to let them. I didn’t want to be treated like a victim. I didn’t want a pity party or people feeling sorry for me. I didn’t want to disappoint. I wanted to continue putting my mask on I had worn for years and to continue being who I thought they wanted me to be.


If I recall correctly earlier this year (2017), I got fed up with hiding parts of myself from the people who I needed support and love from. I got tired of hiding myself from the world 🌎. I got tired of saying I was okay and I wasn’t. I got tired of being someone I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy, everything wasn’t peachy. I was hurting. I was on the edge just waiting to fall………. So I finally came clean to my parents about my diagnoses and sent them articles to read about them from The National Institute of Mental Health or NIMH  for short. (Click on underlined word to check it out) At this time I started opening up to my siblings especially seeing as me and my sister have 2 of the same diagnoses. I got to a breaking point and I told myself either they will love me as I am or not at all.


To my surprise when I told my parents, yes they had questions, but I believe it was my mom who responded how can we help you ? How can we support you? My siblings followed suit and I’m sure my baby sister had a response and an attitude something like,  she couldn’t believe that me (the published author, college student, beautiful, perfect life having , ambitious young woman could have a mental illness just like her.) Little did my sister know, all those things are just TITLES and they didn’t define who I was as a person and they didn’t explain the pain I was in. When I received this response and I knew that even though I had dark days my family was going to stand behind me.


I was overwhelmed with joy at this time,and I could do nothing but remain speechless. At first I was a little hesitant to continue talking about mental health with my family. But little did I know once the door was opened a lot of truth came out, and we began to see how each of our mental health journey and lives were more similar than we thought. Time moved on I began to give my sister advice on different things that had and hadn’t worked for me living with mental illness. I continued sending articles and keeping my parents mainly my mom updated about the status of my mental health and my meds. It is at  a point where when I visit my family my mom asks me twice a day or so have I taken my meds. I roll my eyes like “yes mom,” knowing I am thankful she cared about me enough to ask.


Don’t get me wrong as blessed as I am to have such a wonderful family it is BY NO MEANS A WALK IN THE PARK. Sometimes I feel like a burden, especially when I call and wake my parents up at  2 a.m. , to tell my mom I am on my way to the hospital due to self harm, or when I argue with my brother in the family group text about suicide the bible, Jesus, and death, or when I tell my family I want to die and I confess to them having tried to kill myself by taking well over the amount of my meds I was prescribed, or the times I try to convince my mom that I am not worth loving and I tell her I am defective.


Believe me I am sure my family totally judges me, after all we are human beings before anything. But I know that they are there for me, even though I feel like a burden, I am sure they care about my well-being and for that I am beyond thankful….. most of the time.


Let me be honest it makes me so sad to have to be such a burden to my family when they have their own lives going on. I still find myself smiling when I feel empty in front of them. I find myself still kind of being ashamed of my self harm scars on my arm around them, I find myself still feeling alone when I know they are there. I find myself still contemplating death when I know it would make them upset if I took my own life. The life I didn’t give myself…….. I still find myself being so sad despite everything.


Though I/we may still have negative thoughts, we must realize how important it is to have a support system, and I am grateful for mine. I may have mental illness but I have more tools in my toolbox to fight back against it, and more tools/skills will be coming so WATCH OUT BIPOLAR, BPD, & PTSD I am COMING FOR YOU !



This blog post was actually inspired by a text I sent earlier this morning in my family group text. It included the picture you see above of me with my ❤ LOVE ❤ cup (my mom bought that for me for valentine’s day I think a few years back .) lol

The text I wrote said “Needing lots of love today!!!! Go ahead and donate your love and put it in the basket (basket emoji) ❤ you guys ! Call me soon mom and dad


Thanks to my amazing parents & siblings I love you all ! Also thanks for all the love you donated today & dad stop stealing pics of me for Facebook ! ❤ #dontstopbelieveinginme #Mentalhealthmatters #journeytowellness #letstalkabout mentalhealth


I have realized how important it is having those people who love and support you ! I want to be that support for others  whose family have yet to be open to understanding the pain & symptoms that come with having mental illness. My DM ‘s and e-mail is always open!

Together WE can Overcome !

When I

Inspire. Motivate. Love

~Natasha M.

Mental Health Matters and This Is My Journey


I wake up some days and all I want to do is stay in bed or in one spot all day. My body wants one thing and my mind wants another. I feel down dealing with the depressive end of bipolar symptoms, I want to isolate from people, I don’t care about eating or doing self-care. I just want to stay in my misery and keep it to myself so I am not a burden to anyone else with my hopeless feelings or talk of how bad I feel.


So what right ? Everyone has their own battles to fight and I don’t want to make it seem like my issues with mental illness are more significant than anyone else’s problems. We all struggle and have battles to fight just in different ways and in different areas of our lives. Certain days my body says one thing and my mind says something else, and that was definitely the case today. My body felt tired but my mind started going and going. Days like today I can’t figure out where my body gets the energy or drive to go and just do, but I am thankful today was one of those days. As much as I wanted to just say blah, I didn’t. I was able to get up, clean a little bit, and exercise. I have/ am still learning to be grateful for those bright and beautiful moments like me having energy to do my makeup,straighten my hair, hang out with friends, go to class, brush my teeth, etc because I know when I experience escalated symptoms like I have been for the last few months and I feel lower than low these things seem like the hardest things ever to try to do.


I am so thankful that I was able to do some self-care not only for my physical well-being but also for my mental well-being . One moment at a time on the path to wellness, it hasn’t been a perfect journey thus far but it will be worth it. I am thankful for my victory today & I hope you take time to appreciate and acknowledge your victories too !


Inspire. Motivate. Love ~Natasha M.

Words Are Art is NOW on SALE on AMAZON !

Words Are Art: See The World Through My Eyes

How would you like to be challenged to think outside the box, while gaining new perspectives on issues you may be dealing with? 

Let Words Are Art: See The World Through My Eyes be an inspiration to you, let it challenge you to see things & issues from a different angle , let it be your pick me up when you are feeling down, open your heart & let it tell you about my painful & unexpected journey, and most of all let it tell you about the love, mercy and grace of Jesus Christ .


Below is the Amazon link where you can read a sample of the book, purchase, or even check out my amazon’s author’s page. This book is available as both a paperback  & e-book ! The e-book is (0.99 cents) & paperback is ($6.99)!

GET YOUR COPY TODAY !!! Happy Reading ! Be Blessed!

– Amazon Link 


Also be sure to connect with me on social media at the links below:

Facebook.com/natashaminier

Instagram.com/wordsar3art

Twitter.com/nattiee_101

Behind The Wheel…

I’m sure I’ve heard the preacher say something about thinking back on all those times God got you through . Many times when we are going through hard times and dealing with difficult situations we are so busy worrying, we don’t acknowledge that God has brought us through things before, why wouldn’t he bring us through that thing we going through now?


 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:27 NIV


The month was August, the year was 2011. I believe the day was the 21st and when I woke up that morning, I had no idea what was going to happen that night . I woke up and I remember heading to work and working for the majority of the day. (At the time I worked in the mall at Auntie Anne’s pretzel shop.)( Fun Fact: I am positive that to this day, I can still roll a pretzel ! )  After I got off,  I headed home to shower and after that I planned to go hang out with friends.


(Weeks leading up to this particular day I was experiencing extreme levels of sadness and hopelessness. I was feeling so down, I told someone I hoped something bad happened to me. I remember feeling numb to my life. About 3 months and 9 days prior to this, 2 weeks before I graduated high school I was sexually violated by a family friend. My mind was still trying to digest what happened and I was at a point where I wasn’t myself. My behavior had become reckless. I was doing things outside of my character & morals. I was slipping away from the world and at that point, I was okay with that. I wasn’t concerned about my well being or the emotional state I was in. )


Fast forward August 21, 2011: After showering and getting dressed, I got into my white Chevrolet Cavalier and headed to my friend’s apartment. Before I left the house I remember my mom said something like be careful Tasha and I probably replied like okay mom. It was dark outside when I headed out that night and (Random thought: I somewhat remember my outfit, I had on flip-flops, leggings, and my favorite black shirt with a butterfly on the front of it.)  I remember being exhausted but wanting to go hang out with my friends anyways. I stayed at my friend’s house a few hours, hanging out, talking, laughing, girl stuff, etc. This night out of all nights I am so thankful I didn’t have any alcohol to drink. For reasons I don’t remember, my friend hadn’t bought any alcohol. Who knew how much this would matter that night?


I believe I left a little after twelve am. I remember looking down at my clock in my car and it read 12:18 or 12:21 am, or maybe I had looked at it twice. I really can’t remember. While driving home I noticed something I believe now was odd, I saw a cop car pass . ( It was like a sign something was about to happen , it was weird.) After the cop car passed I kind of brushed it off and continued driving. I continued down the long dark road that led me back home. Next thing I remember is looking down and by the time I looked back up,  I felt my car going off the road. My first reaction was panic. Panic filled my body, so I almost immediately attempted to jerk the car back onto the road. But oh was it the wrong choice for me to try to take control of car and put it back “where I wanted it.”


(Pause: In a sense this is exactly what I had been doing with my life. My behavior had become reckless, I was smiling on the outside but angry on the inside. Because of this I attempted to take control of my life just like in that moment when I attempted to jerk the car back to where ” I wanted it.” I did what I wanted. I was acting out of character and I didn’t care about living. I had lost hope. So in that moment I attempted to control the car like I was attempting to control my life, which seemed to be spiraling down into unknown darkness.)


Exactly like my life had, the car took me to an unexpected place and within seconds of me attempting to put it back on the road, it began flipping. In those next moments all I thought to myself is goodbye family & friends, so I began saying goodbye to my family & friends in my mind. I thought I was probably going to die. All of a sudden the car landed. (Upside down from what I was told) I am not sure how many minutes or seconds went by after the car landed, but I opened my eyes the seat belt was holding me in place. I unbuckled it and began thinking to myself, I have to make it through this,  I have to live. I was in a daze but I found a way out through a busted window ( I think it was the back window.) I immediately ran as fast as I can to the street and attempted to flag down a car to help me. The first car I attempted to flag down for help continued driving even after I waved after them to stop. Then a truck came. The truck slowed and had male passengers on the back. I remember hearing one of males yell something like she’s bleeding . The passengers on the back of the truck hopped off and told me not to move, called the police and asked me for my parents number to call them also. (I am so thankful to God in heaven for the people that stopped and actually helped me. They didn’t think twice about helping me, they saw me, slowed down and hopped off the truck and began talking to me, calling the police & my parents.)


 I was in complete shock, all I could do was cry. ( I remember my mom telling me later that, when they called her all she remembered was hearing me crying in the background, and that was sign of relief because she knew I was alive.) After a few moments the police & paramedics arrived. I was put on a stretcher, little did I know I had a pretty deep laceration on my head . I was so shaken up and out of myself I don’t remember feeling the blood running down my face. After I was put in the ambulance there was a guy back there watching and talking to me. I remember feeling sleepy and he told me a few times, stay with him meaning stay awake. I remember him continuing to talk to me until we got to the hospital, once there I remember a lot of people standing and talking over me, and cutting my clothing. Next thing I remember they x-rayed me , and by that time my parents had arrived.


To make a long story short the doctors put skin glue on the laceration on my forehead, to close up the wound. Skin glue I guess, isn’t supposed to scar as bad as stitches. They also put dissolvable stitches on my right arm close to my elbow. (There was a deep wound there.) All the other wounds I had did not require stitches or special attention. I had glass in my hair and wounds in my scalp. I also had superficial cuts on my hands and my knee hurt, but was not broken. We stayed in the emergency room for hours. I’m positive it was 5 am or later on the 22nd when they finally released me from the hospital.


Over the next few weeks, my face became swollen and for a week or two my mom couldn’t even comb or brush my hair fully. There were scabs and glass still in my scalp/hair. I felt horrible but I was in shock that I had even made it out alive . The day after the accident we went to the junkyard/scrapyard and tried to see if any of my stuff was left in the car. To my horror the below pictures shows what I saw.


img_6490


Talk about speechless, no words could describe how I felt the moment I laid eyes on my car after the accident. I was shocked. How did I get out of this car alive?  I mean why did I walk away from this accident with only injuries that would heal ? I didn’t know what to think at this point . This accident is something I don’t really talk about unless people ask about the scars on my face, but I felt it was something necessary to tell. I am alive because God kept me and my purpose hadn’t been fulfilled at that time. To this day looking back on it, I still can’t believe I made it out alive of that car in the pictures above.


My point is a lot of times in our lives we are going through things. Just as I attempted to grab the wheel of the car that night and put it back on the road where I wanted it in that moment , we try to control our lives in different ways. Instead of trusting in God, we trust in ourselves. We don’t realize that God has a plan for each of our lives, and he had a plan for mine that night.


I don’t think I’ll ever understand why I didn’t die that night, but I think maybe because that wasn’t in God’s plan at that time. He still has more for me to do while I’m here. So I’ll make the best of it, by learning to love God with everything I am and everything I have, I will learn to love myself and those around me better everyday, and you should too.  Love God & Love People.


* I want to take a moment and apologize to my subscribers about this post getting sent out in an unedited/incomplete form, please keep in mind I’m only human. Also blogging just like all things in life takes work, editing, re-editing, etc. This is my passion & I love putting out work I am proud of for others & for myself. Thanks for your patience, I am sorry about that! ❤️ *

Thanks for reading & Happy Monday !

Inspire, Motivate, Love ~ Natasha M. 🌻