Initially, I was sitting on my bed on my phone and I began looking through my phone news aka Top Stories, if you have an iPhone you may be familiar with this. That is when I saw the name “When I die you’ll Love me.” What stuck with me was the word die, so I clicked on the story (Link Below). With all the pain I have been feeling inside lately maybe I was bound to read a story that I would connect with. As I read this story, it broke my heart. 21-year-old rapper/ singer dead from what everyone is saying was a drug overdose?
I continued reading but before I did that I made sure I watched the video that people made for this article. It saddens me that one of the slides said that he rapped about his drug use, specifically pills. Then I read that he told Pitchfork in an interview earlier this year that he suffers from depression and some days “he wakes up and he’s like F***, I wish I didn’t wake up.” Did him saying that not worry anyone? His family? His friends? etc? Like I don’t get it, did anyone try to get him help or reach out to him? Did anyone try to intervene? Deep breathe. Who knows the REAL behind the scenes story of what happened, but something I am sure of is that depression, anxiety and any kind of drugs including pills are never a good mix, unless they are prescribed by a doctor. Which maybe in this case they were, but who knows?
Look before I say what I am about to say, I will say this “I did not personally know Lil Peep nor did I listen to his music, but mental health issues are mental health issues and I felt the need to write my opinions on this sad tragedy.” In looking at Lil Peep’s last few posts on social it almost seems like he is calling out for help by some of the things he was writing. For example he posted a picture of himself and the caption said I feel empty, then he posted a video of himself trying to get a pill into his mouth and shaking a pill bottle, then in another post he posted a picture of the bottom half of his body and the caption says When I die you’ll love me. I am tearing up writing this because, situations like this are so sad, they suck. He was a son, a friend, a cousin, an artist, etc and I am no expert, but in looking at all these posts it really looks like he had given up and didn’t care anymore. Getting to that point with depression sucks and is such a painful and lonely place, and then on top of that the doing drugs instead of getting help make things worse. It’s definitely not always easy to just say to someone hey I need help, I feel hopeless, I want to die, I am sad,etc. Instead of saying these things, we act out, through our actions, with anger, self-harm, drug use, etc. This is how we call for help, and we just keep going and going and going until that one day, we slit our wrist too deep or we take one too many pills or we shoot too much of that drug up and we pass away.
Then people want to cry, then people talk about what they could have, would have and should have done, but didn’t when we were alive. People even talk about how much they loved and adored that person so much, but it’s funny because those same people are usually the ones who never tried to help, who never cared how you felt or listened to you, those are the same people who never bothered to slow down and take a moment to just look at you, and see you were in pain, when you were calling for help when you were alive. As tragic as this story is it should really push us into how we should be talking about the importance of mental health awareness how #Mentalhealthmatters & how abusing drugs is not okay.
Please get help if you are having mental health issues, you may feel alone but I guarantee you, you are not. I am suffering too, and believe me even though I feel like others usually don’t understand my symptoms and what I am going through, I am so glad I got help. When I got to that breaking point where I wanted to od, and just die, life had become so empty and meaningless to me at that time, my actions were screaming for help but I couldn’t open my mouth and tell my loved ones I needed help. It took them taking action before I slipped away into my misery further. Every day is a battle for me and I am still working my way away from those feelings and thoughts, but throughout it all as much as I disliked being in the hospital, seeing doctors, and feeling like the “crazy person,” it was worth getting help. So today be true to yourself, be good to yourself , and talk to someone you trust or love and get yourself help, it is never too late.
R.I.P Gustav Åhr Aka Lil Peep & I pray God watches over your loved ones in this very difficult time. Despite your faults, thank you for sharing your gifts with all your fans & just being yourself through your music.
Inspire. Motivate. Love ~Natasha Minier
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