I Wait For Your Voice.

I wait for your voice but all I can hear is all the voices around me saying do this, do that, say this, say that, be this, be that. I want to only hear your voice, I want to know where you want me to go, what you want me to do, who you want me to be, I want to know you Lord. So I wait for your voice but all I keep hearing is the noise of sirens, of cries, of yelling, of war, of heart break, but I will wait, I wait for your voice but now all I can hear is my own voice accompanied by my thoughts screaming, you’re not enough, you’re never going to be in the right place, you’re never going to be complete, you’re never going to be healed, you’re never going to be unbroken, you’re never going to reach your full potential, and you’re going in the wrong direction. My voice says turn right, no turn left, no go straight, no go back, no just stand still but through all of this I wait. I wait for your voice because all I want to know is where you want me to go, what you want me to do, and who you want me to be. I want to know you Lord. So I will learn to be still,I will learn to block out the noises, and the voices of the world, I will learn to challenge and block out the self doubting thoughts. I will block out the do this, do that, say this, say that, be this, be that. I want to only hear your voice, I want to know where you want me to go Lord, what you want me to do and who you want me to be. I want to know you Lord, so I will wait for your voice.

Trust in the Lord God with all your heart.
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Headphones in, Pencil in Hand, Notebook Ready….

I’ve been writing quite a bit lately, but I’ve posted none for my readers or subscribers. Sometimes I really do get lost in my notebook, and I just almost detach from the outside world. A good amount if not all of the material I have been writing lately will be included in my upcoming book.

 My upcoming book will contain some of the most heart wrenching and personal  moments I have experienced. 

Below you will find an excerpt from my UPCOMING BOOK : 

I  somehow convinced myself that things were different. Things had to be different, therefore the love I needed was also different. These statements are incorrect. My mind, body, and soul crave different. Different behavior patterns. Different outcomes.Different feelings. I just wanted different. I wanted different but for me things haven’t been different. I’ve covered and filled my emptiness and lack of belonging with a list of to do’s, I’ve covered it with laughter and smiles  that sometimes don’t even penetrate past the surface, to even begin to mend my broken  heart or fill the emptiness. If I take the meds and do everything I am supposed to do,then why does everything still feel the same ? Why has different fled from me? All I keep going through are the same symptoms and same feelings but all I want is different. I want change. But I have yet to get either. 

Release date coming soon !

All rights reserved. No part of the following writings may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the writer.

 

 

The Breakfast Club Talks About Mental Illness 

https://youtu.be/Jdtvi1khnQk

This show talks about a subject that I know all too well. I don’t even know where or how to start when it comes to talking about mental illness. I feel a lot of times, people like me who deal with mental illness are ashamed to even talk about the true pain and symptoms. For a long time I have been struggling in silence and hiding behind a smile, but I have decided enough is enough. I have began to be honest with my loved ones about the symptoms I have been suffering from. It has been a long journey.I hope this radio show (click on link above) helps to raise more awareness about mental illness and helps eliminate the stigmas.

You Think You Know Me?

You have no idea who I am. You have no idea what goes on inside my mind. None. I am everything you overlook. I am everything you wish didn’t exist. I am everything you can’t fix. 

You don’t care about me all you care about is what you see and who you want me to be. No flaws, no mistakes, no mess ups . Everything seems sugar coated in my favor. I don’t want it. I am all of that and more I am heavily flawed, and always messing up and making mistakes.

See me …. stop ignoring the parts of me that are the most broken.

I have felt more alone in the last two weeks than I can remember feeling in my entire life. I have began to feel numb to the world around me. Everything just feels like it’s happening and I’m just existing in a world I don’t belong in.

You have no idea who I am. You have no idea what goes on inside my mind. None. I am everything you overlook. I am everything you wish didn’t exist. I am everything you can’t fix.  

Signed, 

All I want is for the pain to stop.