When I first walked into the shop (yesterday) Friday December 29, 2017, I felt scared, embarrassed, and I just overall felt like I didn’t know what would happen. All I knew was I wanted to leave there with less hair than I had when I walked in with.
The barber asked me what I wanted I told him and he didn’t question me or my decision. Finally, when it was my turn to get into the chair my stomach dropped and I was afraid. Being afraid powered my determination to stick to my decision despite the fact my dad of all people was telling me not to cut my hair like I wanted it.
I care about and love my dad tons but my mind was made up when I walked into that barber shop. I wasn’t walking out how I came in.
I had not come to a point in my life where I was so obsessed with my hair and needed it to define me that I couldn’t live without it.
I had been contemplating this decision for a while but figured I wouldn’t go forward with it because I was too afraid of being without my hair, and because I was afraid of what others might think of me. I was afraid of walking into the unknown. I was afraid to do something that would make others judge me (more than they already have/do) and possibly treat me differently.
But on the other hand, I don’t want to hold on to things that society defines as beauty. Why can’t I make my own definition of beauty? Why should I conform to what society tells me is beautiful ? Why? Why? Why? Why can’t I tear back every layer of myself to find the parts of me that shine ? The parts of me that are beautiful…….. The parts of me that are me…….
Keeping this mindset I decided to go through with my decision to cut all my hair off not only because I had some places in my head that were falling out and bald anyways(probably due to stress, medications I’m on, and chemicals) and my hair was damaged from chemicals and coloring but because I am on a journey learning to #love ME for ME,(flaws and all), following God’s purpose for my life, and just trying to think outside the box and express myself in healthy ways while staying true to the person I am and the person I strive to be ⬅️ Loving,God fearing, compassionate, patient, kind,selfless, etc )
So to answer the question at the top of this blog of what defines beauty?
I believe for a long time I was confused about what beauty was/is. I never felt beautiful but growing up and even as an adult I’ve had family and strangers tell me just how beautiful I am on the outside, but to me that was never enough. The older I got the more I wanted to become beautiful in every way I could be , but I always felt like I feel short because the type of beautiful I wanted to be was real, raw and hard to achieve. To me beauty is not just about wearing nice clothes, wearing tons of makeup, or having beautiful hair it is about being kind, patient, obeying God, loving others & doing all you can for them, and learning to accept and love yourself and becoming the best you day by day. Beauty is truly only skin deep and women need to realize that. Your qualities and actions are what make you a beautiful person not your looks, clothes, size,hair etc.
Side note: There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup, nice clothes, long or short hair, etc but don’t get so wrapped up in these things that they start to define you and you start to depend on them, and you don’t feel “beautiful” without them . True beauty is so much more than outer appearance.
Beauty is only skin deep.
Be brave & stay true to yourself always ! ❤️
Inspire.Motivate. Love ~ Natasha M.