Believe….

HELLO and Happy February  & Happy Black History month! I had fun doing this acoustic cover of Adele’s Hello song !enjoy !(Click to listen) ———–) Cover of Adele’s Hello


Hey Lovelies! I cannot even believe it has been a month since I last posted. Honestly I took a break from posting on social media for a little bit, and with my hospitalization 3 weeks ago, things have just been a lot for me. I have been fearful of getting back into blogging so I’ve been avoiding it altogether. I have been dealing with high amounts of anxiety the last couple of days while trying to stay balanced, uplifted, and realistic.


Reader Discretion is Advised :

Let me take a second and just be real, raw, and honest with all of my readers: 3 weeks ago I attempted to take my own life by overdosing on pills. Even typing this, I can’t believe that I ended up at such a hopeless point in my life. Though hopelessness plagues me often, this type of hopelessness and desperation was something extreme. Death seemed to call out to me and I attempted to answer. I only remember that morning talking to my mommy on Facetime while making my bed, everything else is a blur until I woke up in the hospital. Iv hooked to my arm, in a hospital gown, machines around me. Numbness and confusion flooded my mind when I woke up. Talking about it now, scares me to my core and brings me to tears. How was this me, I thought? How had I come to this point? The worst part of it all is I have little to no remorse for attempting to commit suicide,I think I don’t believe it happened. Maybe I haven’t digested everything. The whole experience feels like a bad dream. It sickens and scares me. I am thankful I am breathing, able to walk and do for myself, but I really don’t know how to feel about this. My feelings are so mixed, I feel bad because I know God created me, and wouldn’t want to take my own life, but another part of me is like blah. I’m not that important.


My journey shows how you never know what a person is going through. They smile and tell you they are okay every time they see you or you hang out with them, while they are secretly falling to “pieces” on the inside. Then it seems like they are waiting to be pushed over the edge by something or someone. Not knowing that day by day they are being led closer and closer to death. When you lose all hope, what is left? Nothing. Emptiness. Silence. Darkness. Loneliness. All the things most of us like to AVOID as human beings.


To me my mental health issues have presented an aching pain inside me that I wish didn’t exist, but then again I am thankful they exist (on the good days) so I can talk out and advocate for other people suffering in silence. It’s almost like there is a hole in my heart that can never be filled, like it’s just missing.  On the other hand, mental illness has been a part of my life for what seems like forever. I secretly question if I would be the same ambitious, loving, writer “Natasha,”  I am had it not been for the mental illness symptoms over the years. It’s like having mental illness has shown me such horrible emotional pain, disarray and chaos I am not so sure I would be me without it. I am not sure I would love and give (what I’ve been blessed with) my material things so freely had I not experienced such dark places and chaos inside my own head.


My greatest fear is not being unsure if these same dark places and that chaos will attempt to claim my life again. I guess this thought scares me because I believe I have stuff to do, I believe I have a purpose bigger than myself and my problems to fulfill. I don’t want to die yet. But who’s to say I will feel this same way tomorrow or next week?  On the day I tried to take my life the pain was unbearable, the silence was unbearable, all of the “things” I had meant nothing. My life meant nothing to me. I just wanted to escape from the lack of sleep and the silence……… The silence that I attempted to escape from is not something I  can expect others to understand. I guess the best way to explain it is loneliness gives one this unpleasant feeling deep down inside your chest and in the pit of your stomach, then there is the silence. It surrounds you. No voices, no laughter, no happiness, just silence. The silence causes one to realize how lonely life can truly be , and then the symptoms come………and the chaos.


It is a battle daily to speak the truth to those thoughts that are untrue, and to make sure I take my meds, get sleep, eat right, and exercise. No alcohol or energy drinks. (I have iced coffee every once in a while) . Attend doctors visits. Get sun. (something I have noticed that helps me.)


These are just a few of the things that I have to make sure are done or not done to keep my mental health on a healthy track. Everything in life is definitely a work in progress.


My faith in getting better has dwindled and become just about non-existent. But I believe there are better days to come, even if only a few here and there. Our beliefs about our lives and ourselves have more power than I think we all realize, so this week take some time and challenge those negative beliefs/thoughts that you may be having and I will do the same.


In the meantime check out my cover of I Believe I can Fly below:

I Believe I Can Fly Cover


No, I don’t necessarily believe I can “fly,” but I do believe that in life a lot of the time we doubt the things we cannot see or imagine ourselves doing. I do believe a big part of my life is being “brave” enough to share my trials and obstacles no matter how shocking or  embarrassing these things may seem. Me not speaking up is what led to a lot of hurt, pain, and inappropriate events taking place in the last decade or so of my life. I’m tired of being silent at the wrong times, and talking when it doesn’t matter .


God give me the wisdom to speak when I need to speak. Give me the wisdom to shut up when I need to shut up. Let my journey allow people to get the help they need if they are struggling with mental health issues no matter how small they may seem. God give me strength to dedicate all I have, all I am to serving you by loving and serving others. Let me not lose focus on you. Let me not forget everything I have is because of you. Let me not ever focus on material things including money. Give me strength to use my talents to glorify you and only you. God I pray for patience and love in this dark place.God I pray that anyone reading this who is suffering with depression, anxiety, etc will go and talk to someone they trust about it. God please show them there is nothing wrong with seeking help. God I pray this in Jesus’ name amen!


our lives..2

 

Thank you for reading! Be sure to share ! I love all of you !

Inspire. Motivate. Love ~ Natasha 

Advertisements

Guess What?

Hello Lovelies & Happy Friday !!!! TGIF right ? What does everyone have planned for the weekend? I hope it’s something where you all can relax and decompress from a long week !


I think my 1st plan for this Friday morning is to take Lil (my pup) to starbucks with me to get a plain coffee with soy milk in it ! I simply have to find the energy to get up and do that though. 😅 Please keep me in your prayers. I am still tired, I went to bed superrrr late.


I also want to start on my 2nd book I am reading for the month but I have yet to do so. But I have been reading a new book titled Silence in the ibooks library that I find pretty interesting and scary because it deals with abuse and that kind of thing is so hard for me to read about due to things i’ve personally experienced. But the way the author tells the story so far is filled its plenty of detail and it explains how every action has a reaction. I really am starting to like reading non fiction better than fiction….. humm idk I’ll probably change my mind once I dive into another book!!! 📖 As corny as it may sound, reading is magical…. at least with some books….


To me this week has felt a bit longgggggggg as if it was dragging by! But thank God I got through it and I was blessed in various ways during this week and for that I can’t complain!


I also have a GREAT ANNOUNCEMENT for all of my awesome people who have been asking me about the paperback version of Colorless Love (—- CLICK ON TITLE for more info on purchasing your copy TODAY) and when it will be available for PURCHASE……..


WELP!!!! Guess what? You’ve guessed it the paperback version of Colorless Love along with the e-book is now available on Amazon! Happy reading & thank you for your support, patience, and feedback!

If you have already read the book, be sure to take time and leave me some feedback ! I love hearing from you all ! ❤️

Inspire.Motivate. Love ~ Natasha M.

Let me Just Say This….

psychadelic_headHello Hello my lovely subscribers ! I want to first start off by saying how sorry that I have been so neglectful when it comes to blogging lately. Let me tell you what has been up with m and what exactly i’ve been working on!


The last month of  my life has been hectic, eye-opening, and stressful. I was with my family on the other side of the country, I got my hair all shaved off, I was still finishing up work from my fall classes due to special circumstances, not to mention I just finished & published my 2nd book titled Colorless Love (NOW ON AMAZON)(CLICK TITLE TO PURCHASE YOUR COPY TODAY), and last but not least I am working on my memoir along with my “pitch deck” trying to decide if I am going to compete in a competition with my memoir in a few weeks at my school. As you can see I have been staying pretty busy I was spending lots of time with my family along with working and having more than 1 late night ! On top of all this I have also been dealing with various mental illness symptoms, which has been difficult at some moments but I made it through. The more I accept myself the easier it will become to cope, I hope…….


Lately, I have noticed myself vlogging quite a bit and posting it on my youtube page along with singing on my karaoke applications on my phone!  I think it’s the fact that I have been trying to find healthy ways to express myself, distract myself, that I have been so concentrated on vlogging and singing! They have been pretty good stress relievers honestly. Below you will find the vlogging series I have been working on!


 

 

PART III is now uploaded on my YOUTUBE CHANNEL

(CLICK ON NAME –) :Words Ar3 Art    


Side Note:  Part III of this series is my favorite vlog so far , because how vulnerable and honest I am about how events in my life have affected the way I view myself and how I answer the question what is beauty to me. So be sure to check it out ! Also be sure to check out some of my fun 50 second to 1 minute fun singing videos ! ❤ (most of them are acapella, because why not)


Thanks for reading everyone ! ❤ Happy Friday !!!


 

*I do not own the 1st photo above.


 

 

Inspire. Motivate. Love ~ Natasha M.

Happy New Year !!!

 


Hello all my lovely subscribers ! I wanted to be sure I take time and wish you and your families a VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! Though I am fearful of what will happen in the new year, I am looking forward to using all of my talents, energy, and resources to serve God and help and uplift others.  ❤


Happy NEW YEAR everyone ! BE blessed and please remain safe if you are going out !


2018love 2018


 

Inspire. Motivate . Love ~ Natasha M.

What defines beauty? Part I: Decisions ……..

When I first walked into the shop (yesterday) Friday December 29, 2017, I felt scared, embarrassed, and I just overall felt like I didn’t know what would happen. All I knew was I wanted to leave there with less hair than I had when I walked in with.


The barber asked me what I wanted I told him and he didn’t question me or my decision. Finally, when it was my turn to get into the chair my stomach dropped and I was afraid. Being afraid powered my determination to stick to my decision despite the fact my dad of all people was telling me not to cut my hair like I wanted it.


I care about and love my dad tons but my mind was made up when I walked into that barber shop. I wasn’t walking out how I came in.


I had not come to a point in my life where I was so obsessed with my hair and needed it to define me that I couldn’t live without it.


I had been contemplating this decision for a while but figured I wouldn’t go forward with it because I was too afraid of being without my hair, and because I was afraid of what others might think of me. I was afraid of walking into the unknown. I was afraid to do something that would make others judge me (more than they already have/do) and possibly treat me differently.


But on the other hand, I don’t want to hold on to things that society defines as beauty. Why can’t I make my own definition of beauty? Why should I conform to what society tells me is beautiful ? Why? Why? Why? Why can’t I tear back every layer of myself to find the parts of me that shine ? The parts of me that are beautiful…….. The parts of me that are me…….

Keeping this mindset I decided to go through with my decision to cut all my hair off not only because I had some places in my head that were falling out and bald anyways(probably due to stress, medications I’m on, and chemicals) and my hair was damaged from chemicals and coloring but because I am on a journey learning to #love ME for ME,(flaws and all), following God’s purpose for my life, and just trying to think outside the box and express myself in healthy ways while staying true to the person I am and the person I strive to be ⬅️ Loving,God fearing, compassionate, patient, kind,selfless, etc )


So to answer the question at the top of this blog of what defines beauty?

I believe for a long time I was confused about what beauty was/is. I never felt beautiful but growing up and even as an adult I’ve had family and strangers tell me just how beautiful I am on the outside, but to me that was never enough. The older I got the more I wanted to become beautiful in every way I could be , but I always felt like I feel short because the type of beautiful I wanted to be was real, raw and hard to achieve. To me beauty is not just about wearing nice clothes, wearing tons of makeup, or having beautiful hair it is about being kind, patient, obeying God, loving others & doing all you can for them, and learning to accept and love yourself and becoming the best you day by day. Beauty is truly only skin deep and women need to realize that. Your qualities and actions are what make you a beautiful person not your looks, clothes, size,hair etc.


Side note: There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup, nice clothes, long or short hair, etc but don’t get so wrapped up in these things that they start to define you and you start to depend on them, and you don’t feel “beautiful” without them . True beauty is so much more than outer appearance.


Beauty is only skin deep.

Be brave & stay true to yourself always ! ❤️


Inspire.Motivate. Love ~ Natasha M.

Introduction to Author Natasha R. Minier 💚

I wanted to take a moment & say hello 👋 to all my new & old subscribers !💋💓


I am Natasha but some ppl call me Nat & my family calls me Tash. I am 24 years old & my page Facebook.com/natashaminier documents my journey with mental illness along with giving updates on my upcoming memoir, my book Words Are Art: See The World Through My Eyes & Colorless Love (BOTH BOOKS ARE NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON ), my weekly blog posts and sometimes random singing videos or vlogs.


My goal is to inspire others with my story and be a voice to all the people that have been suffering in silence. 💡🤐 I am young but I have been through tragedies I would never wish on another human being and I hope through my journey others will know they are not alone. 🌎🌻🌼 Mental health matters and I want to show my family, loved ones, & others I don’t know personally know just how devastating symptoms can be. The truth is we need to talk about mental health with one another and end the stigma. We need to show others it’s okay to speak out and SEEK HELP, ATTEND THERAPY, TAKE MEDS, etc. The people struggling with mental health issues need to know it is okay to do whatever you need to do to take care of your mental health. There is no need to be ashamed. You are NOT WEAK BECAUSE YOU SEEK HELP. You are BRAVE! REMEMBER THAT. We need to show more LOVE to the people like me, that struggle day in and day out with mental illness symptoms. I don’t exactly understand everything about my illnesses and despite the fact I have bad days, I will use everything I have for good & to change the world. 🗺 Love is the greatest gift you can give others and I will use every talent God has blessed me with & every piece of my energy to spread love, even on my bad days.💚


I wanted to say THANK YOU to you all for subscribing and taking your time to read my work! I appreciate all the likes & feedback! ❤️


Feel free to MESSAGE AND CONNECT WITH ME ANYTIME !

IG: wordsar3art

FB: Facebook.com/natashaminier

Snapchat: Natrobbie21

Twitter: Nattiee_101


This is a journey for me & I am confident God will get me through whatever may come & he will get you through too ! Let’s raise awareness about mental illness together !


Inspire. Motivate. Love ❤️

~ Natasha R. Minier


Surprise ANNOUNCEMENT …

If you have been reading my blogs, posts on my Instagram, or my Facebook posts on my author’s page for the past few months then you are aware how much I have been struggling and dealing with different symptoms caused by having mental illness, along with hospitalizations, discrimination, depression, self-harm etc. Through all that I have been fighting daily to try to stay balanced and on a path of wellness that honors God, myself, my morals, and to get into a mindset where I am showing plenty of love to myself & those around me. One of my biggest goals of 2017 was getting 2 books written and available for others to read. Unfortunately, I have felt so trapped and incapable of doing things, I came to a standstill when working on both my upcoming Memoir & Colorless Love and I was convinced I never would finish them because of all the chaos happening in my mind and in my life………..


BUT I AM SO HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT MY 2nd book is on AMAZON.COM & is available for PURCHASE TODAY at the LINK BELOW !!!!!!!!

Colorless_Love_Cover_for_Kindle

Click to Purchase your copy of Colorless Love 

Description Below:

Colorless Love NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON


 I was so hesitant on when I should post about my new book, because lord’s willing my memoir will be out an available for purchase January 1st, 2018 , and I wanted to release both books at the same time. But I figured it’s Christmas and why not post on my blog today about Colorless Love ? It has been a lot and I do mean a lot, of tears, of longggg nights, and of just plain stress. Despite all this, I am so happy to be able to have finished my second book and have it available for you all to purchase! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy being able to share it with you! May it inspire you to LOVE MORE and JUDGE LESS !


Thank you so much for reading my work, take a few moments click on the above link to check out a sample of the book and happy reading ! (:



Merry Merry Christmas Everyone and I hope everyone is spending time connecting with family and making memories! Please keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for all of you ! Blessings always !


Inspire. Motivate. Love ~ Natasha M.